So here we are, I've made peace with the fact that i'm falling in love with a man who has children and now we have to figure out how to deal with it.
The beginning 2 months were simple enough, he was with me 2-3 times a week in person and we talked everyday on the phone or via text. He never really talked about the kids or mentioned them so I felt it best not to either. Things started to get harder at the 2.5 month mark, I would say goodbye to him via text on Friday " have an amazing weekend with the little ladies, can't wait to see you Sunday night!" and he would respond with well wishes for my weekend.
I'm a social person, I have plenty I can do on my weekend! Yet there I was sitting on my couch or out and about thinking of him, missing him, wondering what he and the kids were up to, what they were like?! But I knew I needed to be patient and respectful of how he wanted to handle our new found situation.
Of course I already knew what they looked like, as a woman meeting a strange man before our first date I stalked the crap out of him! Gorgeous girls, and i'm not just saying that because I love them and now they're my bonus kids, they are just beautiful girls. Pictures of proud moments, hiking, and lots of funny faces made me think they were a lot like him (or at least I hoped they were).
Then one Saturday I got an unexpected snap chat....it was him and the girls having a dance party jumping around and laughing, I had to replay it! It was adorable, and it honestly took my breath away for a minute.
This was it! He was ready to start letting me in to that part of his life, and this would be the beginning of us merging our separate lives into one family life. I replied to it telling him how much it made me laugh, and how beautiful the girls were.
From that moment on he opened up, telling me about their personalities and how much he misses them when they're gone. We talked about them at least once every time we were together, not for long just little bits of info from him, or me asking about their weekend adventures. I felt honored that he was including me, but he made sure to do it little bits at a time.
We quickly realized that living two separate lives and trying to make plans was difficult, "lets do this! oh wait you have the kids that day" "I want you to meet my friends, but their kids would tell my kids about you" Just as I was getting disheartened and frustrated he told me he was too, and it was time to just meet them.
oh god what?! its been 3 months.....that's half of the time I told him I was comfortable with. I'm not an anxious person by nature, but I am a planner. When things don't go to plan I panic and boy oh boy was I panicked! Am I ready for this? He and I were doing so well! what if the kids hated me, and he dumps me?
I told him no at first, told him it was too soon and that I wasn't ready yet. He pushed me through my panic by talking me into a corner. Did I plan on leaving him? No. Did I like him? Yes, in fact I was head over heels in love with him, but didn't say it yet! Did I hate kids? No. Did I miss him on the weekends? Yes, and just like that I had no excuses.....
I did have some reason to be concerned, however, his ex...from everything I was told this would not be easy for us. They had a volatile relationship to say the least. Without getting too detailed for privacy purposes it was down right nasty. I was under the impression I would not be a welcomed presence, and because of that I made him reach out to her first.
I agreed to meeting the kids early as long as he told her it was happening, and extended the offer for me to meet her first. I know some of you are wondering if i'm medicated at this point but here's my reasoning: I'm a stranger, these are her children, I wanted her to know that i'm not a danger to them, and that I respect her as their mother. I don't have children of my own, I can't imagine what it would feel like handing them off knowing a stranger will be around them all the time.
He said no, so I said no! Like any well balanced couple we compromised and he did what I asked :)
She was less than thrilled about her children meeting me, thought it was too soon but had no interest in meeting me or speaking to me prior. I found no offense in her decline but her objection to the meeting told me one thing...she cares about her children, and their well being, and that makes her a good mom. At that point I was ready, if she loved her children, and she was a good mom that didn't involve them in her issues with us, I can handle it.
So there it was, I was going to meet them. Shit just got real.
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