Going from Miss Zoe to just Zoe

As i'm sure you've all gathered thus far my relationship with Max and the girls was progressing very quickly! at 3.5 months we had now said I love you, were spending almost every night together at my apartment, and I was becoming a consistant part of his children's lives.

Since it was summer and we both had vacation time coming up, we decided why not take the kids home to meet my family? My family has a big house in the woods with lots of things to do and see! So he reached out to Ava to let her know our plans, she was less than thrilled and didn't want the kids to go.

Her exact words were "if you want to go with Zoe yourself go ahead, i'll keep the kids for you. I wont have you playing super parent to our kids in front of Zoe and family for show"

With that lovely response Max let her know that the kids were already aware we wanted to take them, and we're very excited about it, she could explain to the kids why they weren't allowed to go. I guess Ava didn't like that so she agreed to let them join us.

1.5 weeks before we were set to leave (my mother already buying groceries and prepping the house for us to visit) Ava and Max have a disagreement about drop off time for the girls..... I want you all to know that I try SO SO hard to be neutral, I love Max and I know that he's not perfect, with that said I also have his back as his partner. So these arguments with the two of them are rough to be involved in.

Per the court mandated parent agreement Max doesn't have to drop the children off on Sunday's until 8pm...Ava without filing to have it legally changed decided on her own the most appropriate time from drop off is now 6:30pm. Max said he would try and get them home earlier but he would not agree to a set time of 6:30 every week, we have different plans from week to week and 6:30 is not always doable.

Ava took that so well, she threatened to take us to court if we didn't give her what she wanted, and if we tried to take the kids on the vacation she already said yes to, she would call the police and have us arrested.

At this point Max had not consulted with an attorney and really didn't understand his rights as a dad with joint custody. We didn't know that she actually can't tell us no, as long as we tell her before we leave, provide her with an address where the kids will be, and have the children home to her at the time mandated in the parent plan, we can take the kids where ever we please.

BUT because we didn't know that we cancelled our entire trip...This devastated my mom who was so excited to meet the girls, and royally pissed me off. All I kept thinking was what kind of selfish person does that to her kids? You don't get your way so you cancel a trip they've been looking forward to and punish them?

This is when I started seeing what was happening with her and Max. He was keeping me shielded pretty well, not sharing with me the depth of how she speaks to him, threatens to take the kids from him, and insults him on a weekly basis.

I don't feel i'm a petty person, and most if not all the people in my life tell me that I'm thoughtful and kind, however, people that hurt Max, and my now bonus kids make me a new person entirely.

 I had been wanting to ask Max about moving in together, and was hoping to do so a few months down the road....but thanks to Ava, we now had a long weekend and no plans. I asked Max and the kids to move in with me instead of trying to plan a new vacation.

I was surprised and happy to see that Max was on the same page, and had been thinking about it too. So he shot Ava a text letting her know he was moving, and would "have only one roommate" (insert laugh here) I did make him offer to Ava the opportunity to come over and see where the kids would be living, to make sure she knew it was clean and safe....she declined.

The girls now had their own room, we could stop coordinating schedules to see each other, and best of all no more driving back and fourth!

And just like that on move in day at 4 months of dating and 2 months into knowing the kids, they stopped calling me Miss Zoe, I'm now just Zoe.

First overnight and meeting their mom

So by now you all know how our little family came together, and this is where it gets complicated.

Lilly and Violet have now known me for about a month, Violet had her 5th birthday and I was invited! I had NO idea what to get her, so I bought her a board game, a cute mermaid tail blanket, and a book. (seemed to go over well) I played with them both in a bouncy castle, children really show you how out of shape you are, MY LEGS WERE BURNING!

Max and I lived about 15-20 mins away from each other, he was renting from family friends, and I lived in my own apartment with the dog. The more time we spent together the girls wanted me to do everything with them! It really is an amazing feeling to have two little nuggets want your opinion and your company, that's a love I wasn't familiar with. (I still feel a little confused by it in all honesty, its a hard love to be 100% open to, they give it freely and make you feel invincible, and then one sentence later its like you're an evil sea sponge out to kill their dreams) with that thought in mind, I have never felt more in love with a man, seeing him with the kids has only made me fall harder. Those girls just adore him and its barely 3 months into our relationship, and i'm having a hard time keeping the words "I love you" from spewing out of my mouth.

At this point the girls (and myself admittedly but I wasn't ready to tell Max yet) hated when I had to leave...I looked forward all week to the time we would all spend together, but it was a horrible feeling to say goodnight and then drive back to my empty apartment. Max must have been on the same page, because he decided that a weekend away was just the ticket! So the following weekend he picked the girls up and off we went for a little beach getaway.

The girls asked me to sleep with them, so we compromised and Max and I snuggled them to sleep and then slept in the room next door. I can't say I've ever had a little girl wake me up by jumping into bed before, but now that's my everyday.

I hadn't realized that a weekend away meant that I would be in the car at drop off....I looked like hell because we've been at the beach 2 days running, but sure lets do this!

Max pulled into the driveway and the girls hopped out, gave their dad a hug and kiss, and headed for the house. I would be lying if I didn't admit that it hurt my feeling a little that they didn't hug me goodbye. The girls were regularly holding my hand, hugging, and kissing me every chance they got...but then I realized their mom was standing there watching us, and I don't blame the kids for not knowing what to do.

His ex (we'll call her Ava) seemed peeved and walked towards us, addressed Max first and complained that she needed him to answer her messages, he just said sure and there was an awkward silence. Finally she turned to me and introduced herself, we shook hands and exchanged smiles, I made sure to compliment her children to her, and then we left.

We made it 5 miles down the road when Max's phone started lighting up....6 text messages later Ava made her objections to/about me known:

• How dare he do an overnight with me this soon in front of the girls 
• Where did we all sleep?
• Where were we this weekend? 
• If this doesn't work out between the two of us, HE gets to explain to the girls why i'm not around anymore

I would like to go on record in Ava's defense and say all of those things listed above are valid points, and as I've said in my previous entries I'm happy she's a concerned mom. I don't blame her for being worried, and for asking questions, that is her right as a parent. 

What I don't like, and what still happens to this very day is that we drop the kids off, and in our 30 minute commute Max will 9/10 times have a text(s) about our weekend insulting we did and misconstruing things that were said...this tells me that the minute the girls get home, they are being interrogated, being "asked" about their weekend not out of curiosity and conversation, but being pumped for information. This ladies and gents I do not condone, and i'm pretty disgusted with it, and this was just the beginning.  

Time to meet the kids!

(sorry for the delay in posting life got messy as per usual with kids)

So here we are! Ex-wife has been contacted and knows i'm going to meet the children, I am TERRIFIED, my wonderful boyfriend as usual is cool as a cucumber.

At this point I'm having a hard time not using names so i'm going to name us all for fun! 

Me- Zoe

Boyfriend- Max 

Oldest daughter- Lilly 

Youngest daughter- Violet

My dog (now our family dog)- Mia

We sat down and discussed how we should do the introduction, should it be just a few hours? bowling? movies? hiking? so many options! We decided it was best to just do a few hours Saturday, and then not see each other Sunday, let them digest and see how they feel.

I googled around and found a cute theme park nearby that has a lot of rides for small kids, he loved it! So it was set, he bought our tickets online and I was packing a picnic lunch and snacks.

I met a girlfriend for dinner Friday night to keep my nerves calm while he spent the day with the kids, and told them about meeting me. I was in full blown panic by my second drink! What was I doing?! Kids?! Dear god I didn't ask him how he was introducing me....am I his girlfriend? a friend? what if they hate all the food I packed?! SHIT. 

Luckily I have amazing friends who understand I'm a walking panic attack when I don't have everything planned and at the ready...a few drinks, and some warm carbs and I was going to fake it till I made it! 

We decided to have him bring the girls to my place, meet me and the dog (in case I failed to mention I have the cutest dog ever for her privacy I named her Mia lol) and then ride together to the park. So I woke up early, packed the cooler and per usual I was ready 1.5 hours before I needed to be.  I sat on my couch and went through the motions "hi I'm Zoe" or how about "hello girls my name is Zoe, I've heard so much about you!" 

Meeting them needn't be that thought out...they're kids, it was simple. "Hi" that's all it took, off to the races! They were SO much prettier in person, and so polite! Max introduced me as Miss Zoe and from that moment on it was get to know me questions, music, and laughing. 

The youngest daughter who will from now on be known as Violet took to me first, 10 minutes into being at the park, she was holding my hand asking me every question a 4 year old can muster in her cute little brain. By 20 minutes into the park Violet, and the oldest daughter now known as Lilly were fighting over who would sit with me on the rides. It was truly about as easy a day as I could think of...we all just seemed to fit together.

All in all it went amazing for a first meeting, and the girls we're so happy with me as a new addition that they invited me over on the ride home for the following day. I politely declined and told them it was amazing to meet them, but I wanted to make sure they spent enough time with their dad. They seemed happy with that answer, until my phone rang Sunday morning.

Lilly and Violet we're on my phone asking me to join them for lunch! "we really want you to come over, dad says its okay" I was about to learn quickly they are persistent, honest to a fault, and loving little people. 

So that was it...I had lunch with them Sunday and from that weekend on, we became a unit. If I wasn't there by Saturday afternoon every weekend they would ask Max to call me. That was the start of my new family.